Buzzard in Arizona

Hell in Arizona

The Devil in Hell we've told was chained,
And a thousand years he there remained,
He neither complained nor did he groan,
But determined to start a hell of his own.

Where he could torment the souls of men,
Without being chained in a prison pen.
So he asked the Lord if he had on hand
Anything left when he made this land.

The Lord said "Yes: I have plenty on hand,
But I left it down on the Rio Grande;
The fact is 'old boy' the stuff is so poor
I don't think you can use it in hell any more."

But the Devil went down to look at the truck
And said if he took it as a gift he was stuck
For after examining it carefully and well,
He concluded the place was too dry for a hell.

So in order to get it off His hand
The Lord promised the Devil to water the land,
For He had some water or rather some dregs,
A regular cathartic and smelled like bad eggs.

Hence the trade was closed and the deed was given,
An the Lord went back to his home in heaven;
The Devil said to himself "I have all that is needed,
To make a good hell" and hence he succeeded.

He began to put thorns all over the trees,
And mixed up the sands with millions of fleas.
He scattered tarantulas along the roads;
Put thorns on cactus and horns on toads.

He lengthened the horns of the steers,
And put an addition to the rabbits' ears;
He put a little devil in the bronco steed
And poisoned the feet of the centipede.

The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings,
The mosquito delights you with his buzzing wings,
The sand-burs prevail and so do the ants
And those who sit down need half soles on their pants.

The Devil then said that throughout the land
He'd arrange to keep up the Devil's own brand,
And all should be Mavericks unless they bore,
Marks or scratches of bites and thorns by the score.

The heat in the summer is one hundred and ten,
Too hot for the Devil and too hot for men'
The wild boar roams through the black chaparral;
'Tis a hell of a place that he has for a hell.